In order to develop to our full potential we are all taught to talk, to write and to read. These 3 actions take us through our schooling, further education and our careers. The extent to which we have mastered the art of these 3 actions often determines how well we have done at school, in our tertiary studies and in our careers. However, most of us have never learnt the art of listening which is central to all 3 of the actions mentioned. We interrupt people, only listen to respond, get distracted and show little or no attention to the individual talking to us. What are we missing? What could we be gaining if we just stopped to truly listen before we finish someone’s sentence, pretend to listen or just ignore them?
Nancy Kline – author of Time to Think says, “Giving good attention to people makes them more intelligent.” Could we as individuals, teams and organisations not benefit from being surrounded by more intelligent and empowered people?
The next time someone asks you for your help, ask them for their thoughts on the subject and then just listen….
Read the 5 points below to encourage and help you to listen to friends, family, partners, colleagues, clients and really anyone you want to have a meaningful and mutually beneficial relationship with.
- Offer your FULL attention:
- Maintain eye contact to show the person you are focused on them
- Gain rapport to show respect for the person’s model of the world. Mirror or match their:
- Voice
- Tone
- Speed
- Pitch
- Posture
- Body language
- Use your energy to connect and engage with the person
- What energy are you bringing to the conversation?
- Commit 100% to the person you are listening to
- No music
- No checking emails
- No telephone calls
- No interruptions
- No typing
2. Check in with them
- Ask the person what their thoughts are on the subject they came to seek advice for or ask for help on
- Listen…
- Ask them “What else?”
- Listen…
- Ask them “Have they any other thoughts around….?”
- Practice active listening:
- Hear the person out
- Do not jump to conclusions
- Do not assume from your frame of reference
- Ask questions to show you understand and are listening
- Do not finish their sentences
- Do not interrupt them
- Allow/endure the silences – just because someone has stopped talking doesn’t mean they have stopped thinking
- Be aware of barriers to listening which may include:
- Cultural differences
- Your role/position
- Stereotyping
- State/mood of the listener
- Distraction of surroundings
- Wandering mind
- Multi-tasking
- Techniques to help you:
- Decide why you are listening
- Be conscious of listening – it is an active process
- Offer feedback to show you are listening
- Listen until you have heard the full message
- Check meaning of words
- Consciously commit a period of time to listen to this person
“To help people think for themselves, first listen. And listen. Then – listen. And just when they say they can’t think of anything else, you can ask them the question, “What else do you think about this? What else comes to mind that you want to say?”… “The brain that contains the problem, probably also contains the solution.” Nancy Kline
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