Ours fears can be divided into 2 simple categories. Firstly, the fears that we do not have to participate in. They are going to happen whether we like it or not, for example aging, retirement, children leaving home, illness in some form or another, change, being alone etc. Secondly, fears that require us to participate fully, for example moving home, changing jobs, starting a new hobby or sport, making friends, making decisions, losing weight, commitment to a relationship, marriage, travel, making a mistake, public speaking, deciding to live the life you want…
At the end of the day ALL fears are linked to our ego’s and can evoke feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, rejection, the fact that we think we are not good enough, embarrassment, we are not strong enough – our inner voice is saying, “Maybe you can’t handle it.” YOU have to start saying, “I can handle it.”
In my mind, my fears are simply things that I haven’t done before, hence they represent the unknown to me. I don’t think you will ever get over being fearful, you will just get into the habit of dealing positively with fear. When faced with a fear I always ask myself the question, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” If the answer is not life threatening, then I just do it, having the self-belief that I can handle the outcome. Read the points to follow, for tips on how to do this.
1. Acknowledge and accept your fears
All you need is time, a piece of paper and a pen. List the fears that are stopping you from living the life you want. They may be in the form of:
- Negative internal dialogue
- Labels you have given yourself
- Tapes you play over and over in your head
- Limiting beliefs that form part of your unquestioned belief system
Ask yourself the hard questions and get real! Remember that anyone who has done anything has been fearful. However, they have done it anyway.
2. Put them to the TEST
Subject each fear that you have listed to the 4 questions below:
- Is it a true fact?
- Does holding onto this fear allow me to live the life I want?
- Is this fear assisting me in my development?
- What is the worst thing that could happen?
3. Identify the pay offs
By the fear keeping you stuck, what are the pay offs? What are you able to ignore? What or who are you able to blame? By overcoming the fear what would you have to do?
4. Convince yourself you can handle it
As I said in my message to you, our fears are all about us thinking we cannot handle something. Start saying to yourself that you can handle whatever life offers you. What is happening to you in any given situation is supposed to be happening to you – all is well! Our choices and decisions are merely different paths with different decisions. There are no wrongs or rights, just different options which will offer us different experiences with different lessons. No mistakes, no failures! Keep saying to yourself, “I can handle whatever life offers me.”
5. Feel your self-esteem soar
The result of believing that you can handle whatever life offers you, is that you will start doing what you thought you could not do and guess what that does for your self-esteem? Yes, that’s right it boosts it tremendously, giving you a stronger foundation to work from the next time fear comes knocking at your door. Now you can say, “Well I did it last time and am here to tell the tale, so let’s try something new.”
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt(1884 – 1962)
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